Looks like I’m in an all lovey-dovey mood today 😀
Well… how many times have you heard this – ‘If you love someone, set her free. If she comes back, she’s yours. If she doesn’t, she never was.’ I’ve heard it like some zillion times till date… and each time I’ve heard this, I felt something’s wrong in there… and finally I know what!
Do you really think that if you love someone and that someone, for some reason, feels detached or slipping out of the relationship, you should just set them free and let them be and actually slip out? No. I don’t think so. What if that someone feel that this person just doesn’t care whether I’m there or not… I think one should make an effort, never let them go, hold them, trust them, love them, and cherish them. You can’t just ‘let it be’ if you see the love fading out, provided you really are in love… you must work on it!
There are so many times in any relationship when you feel everything is just falling apart… imagine if no one makes an effort at that point and just keep singing this stupid quote in their minds, it will actually fall apart. I mean how would the person know what he/she means?
i don’t say that if you love someone, keep them in a cage…you can’t. But don’t just take it for granted that they will come back to you in any case…in teh times of adversity, you need to tell them that they are needed back…. only if you LOVE someone!
[…] thoughtcourt wrote an interesting post today onHere’s a quick excerptWell… how many times have you heard this – ‘If you blove/b someone, set her free. If she comes back, she’s yours. If she doesn’t, she never was.’ I’ve heard it like some zillion times till date… and each time I’ve heard this, b…/b […]
lol! I’ve heard that one a million times too! thanks to my friends who keep forwarding such shitty messages! 😀
I completely agree what u said! couldnt have said better! 😀
-I
Thanks Impressionist!
On lighter notes, sentence is,
“If you love someone, set her free. If she comes back, she’s yours. If she doesn’t, she never was.”
not
“If you love someone, set HIM free. If HE comes back, He’s yours. If He doesn’t, He never was.”
That’s the perception difference between, MEN and WOMEN. I am not an expert but just can think this way, that girls take time to make any decision in case of relationship, but boys does not take that much time, so girl should not set a GUY free, because, he may not come back. But girl consider so many things, so if she is thinking of breaking then boy should just give her space, and don’t force his emotions on her.
Well… first of all I’ve used the correct quote here…
And secondly… I think that’s not what men really think… its just that they don’t want to make that effort…it hurts their f***ing ego! So, they just take the easy way out (mentioned in this quote)!
Hi Sakshi ,
I am really hurt by your above opinion that men dont make the effort because of their f****ing ego……………
Men do make efforts to save the relationship, but the problem is Women today, living in 2013, they get so many better options that it is impossible to hold them. And the more you put effort to hold them , in return u get more and more insults and all the blames , ultimately to save your dignity & respect , u have to set them free. That’s why this quote make sense “set them free “. And you have to stick to “move on theory ” to save ur own as****
I believe ur perception might have changed because that was in 2008 and we are heading towards Kalyug.
By this time , U already have understood that I am not lucky when its come to love.
But I still respect Women a lot and do believe in love and pray for everybody who are in love.
And I believe I am the unlucky one who still believe in Love
But will never be in love again
I am just so so scared of Love………….
Thanks & have a nice day ….week …year …forever
Khan,
I agree with you here dear. Love also means reassurance! Sometimes people runaway because they are insecure and frightened! Two small words, “I’m here” can make all the difference!
Yeah… at times they run away and at times they let u go away just because they can’t say those 2 simple words… they think it would portray them as ‘weak’!
I have no idea how I ran into your page. Absolutely no idea at all. But anyway i think I should leave my view on this as I came across this post first after some random eye movement (while awake 😉 of the home.
The version that i have always been familiar with is the following :
“If you love a bird, let it go. If it doesn’t come back, it never loved you anyway. If it loves you, it will come back.”.
In my personal humble opinion I think this quote is deep. Maybe the version you quoted sounds a little shallow. But the basic meaning it conveys holds tremendous depth.
This does not mean that you just leave the person you love free literally to the extent that you don’t pay attention if the other person feels detached and is on a low with the relationship. It just means give that person his / her own personal space. Let him/her the freedom we all want and don’t allow the relationship to reach a stage (by constant poking, doubting etc) that it becomes a liability. The quote is something based on trust.
Ofcourse it does not mean that you don’t spend time, allow him/her to slip away if there is a problem. In those times you do need to make the other person feel wanted and desired and help him/her in coming out of it. It does not talk of that bond, that bond should always be strong (it does not mean free that way), it talks of trust.
This quote does not mean that you take no effort if everything is falling apart. You know I don’t think it is a good idea to take any quote or any idea for that matter on face value and taking it at face value or dogmatically, everything can have some good meaning no matter how little.
To sum up it means allow your partner to be free, trust him/her, love him/her unconditionally (that way free), don’t become so possessive that it becomes a liability. You know after a point most people become over-expecting, some even start doubting slightly and want more attention just because they think that he/she is giving more attention to other people and things and that is one reason that can lead to a downslide in relationships. A relationship can only bloom when there is mutual trust and respect for each others individuality. If there is mutual trust then a person would never worry about the things I mentioned in the previous sentence and would avoid insecurity. It has nothing to in my humble opinion with leaving a partner “free” in other meanings. I hope I could make my point home.
Regards and Best of Luck for things.
– Shubhendu 🙂
Shubhendu, let me first say that I think ur post it is one of the best posts ive encountered in a few months and I read a lot! You are very wise and I thank u for taking the time to write such an insightful post although it was in 2008 when u wrote it, it made sense to someone in 2013 !!! Hope ure life is full of joy.
Thanks for ur views shubhendu… and i understand this meaning of the quote… but my post was for people who do not make efforts to save their relationships just because this quote says so 🙂
Well I did think that (that you know that) reading one of your posts. This post seemed a little out of place that way. Maybe you should have given a conditions apply disclaimer.
You know that dreaded asterix.
😉
Hmm… will keep that in mind 😉
this is what we’re familiar with –
‘ if you love someone, & you dont want to let them go, dont let go, go to the end of the rainbow ‘
this means something to us, seeing it inspired every single one of our relationships.
we hope it helps all our babs out there
xxxxxxxxx
this is what we’re familiar with –
‘ if you love someone, & you dont want to let them go, dont let go, go to the end of the rainbow ‘
this means something to us, seeing it inspired every single one of our relationships.
we hope it helps all our babs out there
xxxxxxxxx
Katilda $ Sarahbeena… thanks for that thought!
I find the very expression, “if u love someone, set him/her free” fundamentally flawed… does this essentially work on the presumption that if u love someone, he is under your effective detention (and thus needs rescuing or being freed?).
i would say only when someone is as free as freedom itself, then and then only love can happen… true love, i mean…
i know you didnt mean to say this in your post but just wanted to add this dimension to it. loved whatever you write here though.
your this post was particularly timely for me as where i stand in my life today, i need to set her free; not to know whether she loves me or not, but because i know there isnt any more loving left in our relationship… sad! but human relationships are as complicated as the creation itself… lets keep trying to decipher it… cheers!
Sanju that’s a very valid dimension… didn’t think that ways 🙂
You know sanju…what i have realized with time is that love can never end… if you’ve ever loved someone you’ll always love that person… till eternity… even if u 2 separate…so don’t say there’s no more loving left… you guys might be angry with each other right now but love doesn’t end… its very difficult to make relations and very easy to break them so hang on if u can…
ummm…. ya. i tend to agree with you. but this “hanging on to a relationship for the sake of not breaking it” is what we have been doing for years now and thats the cliff on which most marriages hinge upon (most marriages? thats quite an awful presumption… no?) until ofcourse, one of the two, maya or dev find each other! as i told you, i am passing through such phase right now, cannt think straight really… so taking it easy, one step at a time… i do love what you write here… this is just second visit and i feel at home already on your blog. lets keep chit chatting, cheers!
well… i’m glad i could provide some comfort to you… but then.. as all of us…you would know wats best for u. Whatever you do, do it will full conviction…good luck!
And yeah… we sure will keep chit-chatting 🙂
[…] very strange observation… my post “If you love someone, don’t set them free” has really been popular and even more outlandish is the fact that so many people hunt for this quote […]
i agree
I did that.. and you know what, it worked.
I can say that: If you truly are in-love with someone, hold them, even if they’re stabbing your hands with a sharp knife.
+_+
I have been so in love with this man for almost 3 years. People thought we were married because we were so close. weve shared so much together. My insecurity of knowing where i stand because of comments of other women that shoudnt been said out of respect for me, he thinks its jelousy. We are mot supose to argue or fuss and fight because of different opinions so he would rather give me away. He does things to hurt me like he never loved me before, like a knife in my back over and over. We were awsome friends and coworkers for 1 1/2 years before we ever went out. He supported me through my divorse and some situations with my children, and now says we are through knowing he always wanted a good women there to give returned love. The more i do for him or love him more he pushes me away. Hes never been with anyone this long, hes 50 never been married has no kids. Im 39 was married for 16 years in an abusive marriage. I get sick and cant get him off my mind, but i cant talk and try cause he pushes me away like it was mothing
Star Cruz… I am glad 🙂
See, If You Love Someoen, That You Actually Dont Know,
I Have That Problem And sometime’s i get so strong so i can
Do * Lighting Strike * Around My Self, It’s hard to explain
Cos How Do You Get that strong? well its a question About Love, I took a truck and lifted it over my head, bcus of that *love* See I’m Satanic, And yes, i do know the answaer, when you get that broken, you BRAIN, Dont Work’s Until you relax again, so in the Time that you brain dont work’s you can do Crazy thing’s but it has a very High Risk Bcus you cant Control your self, But try think you Do actually get over Naturely Strong’nes, But if you ever come in that Moment where you lose your mind, DO NOT BE MAD AT SOMEOEN THAT JUST SAID SOMETHINGS STUPID TO YOU, BCUS HE WILL SUFFER,
I Hope You Folk’s Enjoy This Post AS, None-Satainc’Truth
See, If You Love Someoen, That You Actually Dont Know,
I Have That Problem And sometime’s i get so strong so i can
Do * Lighting Strike * Around My Self, It’s hard to explain
Cos How Do You Get that strong? well its a question About Love, I took a truck and lifted it over my head, bcus of that *love* See I’m Satanic, And yes, i do know the answaer, when you get that broken, you BRAIN, Dont Work’s Until you relax again, so in the Time that you brain dont work’s you can do Crazy thing’s but it has a very High Risk Bcus you cant Control your self, But try think you Do actually get over Naturely Strong’nes, But if you ever come in that Moment where you lose your mind, DO NOT BE MAD AT SOMEOEN THAT JUST SAID SOMETHINGS STUPID TO YOU, BCUS HE WILL SUFFER, Ofg
I Hope You Folk’s Enjoy This Post AS, None-Satainc’Truth
See, If You Love Someoen, That You Actually Dont Know,
I Have That Problem And sometime’s i get so strong so i can
Do * Lighting Strike * Around My Self, It’s hard to explain
Cos How Do You Get that strong? well its a question About Love, I took a truck and lifted it over my head, bcus of that *love* See I’m Satanic, And yes, i do know the answaer, when you get that broken, you BRAIN, Dont Work’s Until you relax again, so in the Time that you brain dont work’s you can do Crazy thing’s but it has a very High Risk Bcus you cant Control your self, But try think you Do actually get over Naturely Strong’nes, But if you ever come in that Moment where you lose your mind, DO NOT BE MAD AT SOMEOEN THAT JUST SAID SOMETHINGS STUPID TO YOU, BCUS HE WILL SUFFER,
I Hope You Folk’s Enjoy This Post AS, None-Satainc’Truth
I Will Suffer The Rest OF My Life Time, Bcus i realy love someoen who i dont know in real life.
Hi Sakshi,
Your posts are quite interesting. I might actually take the help of your relationship counseling soon..but I believe the relationship I am talking about no longer exists. And in reference to your post, that’s what I used to believe, If you love someone, you should not let them go…but you know what? when the time comes, and the other person decides to leave, no matter how hard you try, they will never return to you. Why the person left me, is still unclear to me..because I was never provided with a reason. Ofcourse we know of the famous terms – circumstances…not ready…etc etc. but for me it was out of the blue moon! So I really didn’t ave anything to fight back and make sure that the person doesn’t go…but he did…
So I guess when its not meant to be, it won’t work out anyway ?
I agree with what your saying, but what can one do, when the other guy says that he needs space, if you try to reason it out, he considers it clingging. at that point i may have no choice but to let him go, since he is already gone to begin with, and probably didn’t love me…..i know that he knows till date i love him, but i know he doesn’t love me that is why he married someone else and did not come back. sometimes there is no choice but if someone wants to leave, to let them.
I chanced on ur blog while navigating. And really liked ur posts. Got this out of archive.
When I read, I had some opinion to write, but as I kept on reading the comments and experiences of people a different view emerged.
Love is a complete Overrated Feeling or Thing for that matter.
I consider myself a very passionate and romantic person, but when I dvelve deeper into the subject of Love with a person, my opinions change.
Been in and out of it couple of times. And I believe its most beautiful when you are in it, like a Beautiful Dream of childhood. With all fairytale ingrediants.
But if you HAVE to get out of it, for any reason; it needs some effort, lots of self-inflicting pain, self-sympathy and what not!
But once you are out of it, it is like it was never there before.
And it all seems so noraml, with no regrets of being in it and no pain of now being out of it.
So, this entire hoopla of Letting Go or tie done is not exactly about Love as I understand, its more about Relationship(s).
And how to tend them, nurture them and keep them alive.
wow, mePretentious, you nailed it! thats what i meant when i said “there is no loving left”. Once you are “out” of it, you really are out of it. if you still feel the “love” is still there, it only means that you were never really out of it!
really good stuff.
kudos sak for providing the platform.
cheers.
Thanks 🙂
well….what better post for me to read..am going thru a very bad time where i dont want to let go off my love of 6 years but my family is pressurising me to…pl guide me what to do
hey..i hope what i mailed helps you…good luck!
I think there is a fundtamental misunderstanding of the word “free” here.
In this context, free does not mean, free to “date other people” or anything like that. It means free to explore life as the indivudual they are before they became a part of a couple.
Even though they might be a thight, loving couple, there is much value to individualism within that space.
Anyone who have gotten far enough to get a couple of kids and a busy job will probably agree that time off to “do my stuff” is in short supply. But, if the partner would let the other do their thing, the increased wellbeing of that single induvidual will benefit both. It might be a round of golf, a night out with the girls/boys, a lesser job to be able to do what one loves or even a trip around the world for 3 months away from your partner.
In other words: if you love someone, give them the trust and space to explore their life so that when they come back as a better person, they will appriciate the gesture and love you even more.
My 2 cents.
/Paul
People don’t get it…that quote only applies to a situation where one of the partners want to leave…then u let them go because you can’t hold up somone if they don’t want to be with you…when you let them go they will have to analize the situation by thinking about it and they will either realize wether they were right or wrong of wanting to leave you…if they were right they will not come back because of many reasons and if they were wrong they will come back because they realized that they want to be with you and love you but that doesn’t mean they are yours forever!!!….
Ok this is weird…I was on FB earlier and posted the same quote. Yet, I sit here still not knowing what it means in my situation. My husband of 6 years served me w/divorce papers…we have two children…and he basically put it this way “I can’t take the lack of love and affection you display..this relationship has been over for the past 2 years..I still love you but I can’t do this anymore…I want you to go do whatever you want…I too will do the same…who knows maybe 6months to a year we might find ourselves back together…but for now I want you to do for you…let us see what we both really want from this relationship, ourselves, life, etc.”
I see his point about love and affection but as someone else mentioned about married life…sometimes you do loose yourself and feel mixed feelings about everything. And for women, well at least me, it was hard at times to center energy in that area. But like me, he too had his faults and we both argued and made-up and talked about ‘changing” our ways…but neither of us ever kept true to our word. Now my main concern with this quote is I am willing to do what he has asked but find it difficult to continue through this journey of “me exploration” because we still see each other frequently because of our two boys. Not only that but I contemplate my desicion to wait because I am not sure if he is “becoming” like his father..who may I add recently left his girlfriend of 10 yrs for the exact same reason.
So my question about this quote is really “how much “freedom” does one need before s/he comes to her/his sense just to realize that the other person has already moved on.” They move on not because they don’t love the other person but because time and the discovery of oneself happened to move a little quicker. If you decide to try again later, how will this “seperation” be added into the equation…positive or negative…I guess it really depends on the couple…still confused…
I have no idea how i came upto your blog.I was just searching for something good to read at this time and landed at the correct place.
I read a few of your posts, those were awesome but i disagree to this post to a great extent as you canot hold your love for so long.
This is in response to the comment Ravi posted. Yes, if you truly do love someone then you can and will hold your love for that person no matter how long it may take. Cause it is the hope that a person has in their heart that one day it will all come to be. The problem is, we tend to get frustrated and impatient and we move on. Then we must question, “did we really even love that person after all or were we looking for some selfish motive?
I would say that we can hold our love forever but we can’t hold them.
Loving someone does not imply that we can hold them.We do not owe them anything except the fact that we love them
I would perfectly agree to the above comment and this would be my response to curtis’ reply.
IF you love someone set them free ……………i read this line many time and many place……………. this is new and interesting thoughts……..
When you love someone you will go through everything just to keep this special person in your life.
Love is living.
All you can do is let the person know that you love him/her, that you want to be with them, and do everything you can to stay with them. If that doesn’t work all you can do is let them go if that’s what they want. You cannot force someone to love you back. If the relationship is meant to be it eventually will be. That person will find his/her way back to you at some point if the love is there and it’s meant to be. If not, there is someone else out there for you. Sometimes it’s good to be alone for a while. You learn more about yourself and grow as a person. You have time to reflect on past mistakes and learn how to correct them. You will have more to offer that person if he/she comes back to you or a new relationship down the road.
What if you love them so much, even the love they wanted almost 3 years is finally running them the other way. Roomates and 6 month dad that doesnt know what we shared areencouraging other women to him to help him move on. People thought we were married because of how close we were, and jelousy and arguments arent worth what we had. But it wadnt jelousey, it was comments about other women said to me that made me insecure of myself and where i stood in the relationship.
My say on your blog would be : Its hard to hold on to a broken relationship but easy to let it go..Hanging on will bring you near closure and closure is a new begining
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